Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
~ Erica Jong
in what was probably not the best use of an hour or so, i found this website which cracked me up. they even offer a one-liner randomizer - who else does that?? here are some of my favorite one-liners:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
~ Dr. Seuss
it’s good to know you can just honk . . .
“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung
i saw this story in the post yesterday and it made me laugh so hard i think i read it 3 times. i guess the post peeps liked it too because they ran it again today.
An elderly parishioner’s attempt to touch up this cherished but deteriorating Spanish church fresco has turned Jesus into a cartoon figure.
The unidentified woman, in her 80s, was upset at the damage that moisture was wreaking on the 19th century fresco in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza.
Without authorization, the devoted woman scraped away some of the paint, leaving white marks on the wall.
Then she took out a paintbrush and replaced the strokes of artist Elias Garcia Martinez with her own, Spanish media reported.
When she realized how badly it had turned out, she contacted the city’s culture councilor, Juan Maria Ojeda.
“I think she had good intentions,” Ojeda was quoted as saying.
As it turns out, the woman’s efforts weren’t even necessary. An organization that restores Spanish artwork, El Centro de Estudios Borjanos, had just received a donation from Martinez’s granddaughter to repair the damage done by the moisture.
Ojeda said art experts are trying to determine whether the woman’s work can be undone.
“If we can’t fix it, we will probably cover the wall with a photo of the painting,” he said
[after the touch up]
“In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
the trend began with neon shoelaces – that’s what i noticed in nyc. neon shoelaces are tolerable, although not my personal preference. then came the entire sneaker – in awful neon colors. mostly orange and pink with green trending not to far behind. it almost hurts my eyes.
ridiculous looking neon “fashion” now comes in nail polish, purses, shirts, shoes and dresses. mixing neons is even worse. please people, let’s come together here – help save the reputation of my favorite city and ditch the neon!
if you want to see yourself featured in a magazine, keep on with the neon and you could end up a ”glamour don’t”. lets keep the neon where it belongs – please?
“We must beware of yielding to the pressure of a spirit of cowardly conformity which proclaims itself everybody’s friend in the hope that everybody will obligingly return the compliment.”
― Antonin Sertillanges
the bus headed uptown on first ave:
3 year old child told his mother;
“he was dead and he couldn’t walk so he had to go to the hospital.”
on the sidewalk of east 52nd street:
when asked where his young son goes to pre-school;
man #1: “sutton place temple.”
man #2: ”is it true that the more money you give at temple, the closer you get to sit to the menorah?”
corner of 53rd street & 3rd avenue:
woman on phone – late 50ish – heavy new yawk accent;
“did you eat?”
“are you full?”
“are you sure?”
2nd ave & 58th street:
teenager asked mother, “who is ed koch?”
50th street & 3rd avenue on st. patrick’s day:
20 something girl #1: ”i’ve never been to a st. patrick’s day parade.”
20 something girl #2: ”neither have i. i didn’t even know there
51th street & 2nd avenue on st. patrick’s day:
me: ”it’s crazy out here.”
doorman: “yeah, it’s a beautiful day to throw up.”
1st avenue at 56th st:
2 moms, 2 strollers, 2 two year old children;
mom #1: ”how does he like camp?”
mom #2: ”i don’t know, he never tells me anything.”
while shooting pix with my canon 7d on park avenue:
“she has a better camera than you”
be sure to check the page, overheard in the city in the
only in ny section on this site for future updates!
the beverly hills hotel; what’s up with that place? i am never staying there again.
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) – -
Beverly Hills police say a hearse driver who was found dead with a body in the vehicle died while taking the casket to a funeral.
Lt. Lincoln Hoshino says authorities were alerted that a body was slumped over in the driver’s seat of a hearse parked near the Beverly Hills Hotel at about 3 p.m. Monday.
“Fear’s a bad way to be motivated, but a realistic sense of risk is a rational approach.”
~ Laurie Garrett
once in a while you hear something that you may have heard 1,000 times before, 1,000 different ways but the 1,001 st time – it actually sinks in!
i just heard les brown say, “you will fail your way to success.” this is very good news since i’ve basically spent the last 2 years failing. now i know i can expect gynormous success – starting now. i’ll keep you posted.
“Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.”
~ J. Paul Getty