Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
~ Erica Jong
in what was probably not the best use of an hour or so, i found this website which cracked me up. they even offer a one-liner randomizer - who else does that?? here are some of my favorite one-liners:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
~ Dr. Seuss
it’s good to know you can just honk . . .
“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung
i saw this story in the post yesterday and it made me laugh so hard i think i read it 3 times. i guess the post peeps liked it too because they ran it again today.
An elderly parishioner’s attempt to touch up this cherished but deteriorating Spanish church fresco has turned Jesus into a cartoon figure.
The unidentified woman, in her 80s, was upset at the damage that moisture was wreaking on the 19th century fresco in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza.
Without authorization, the devoted woman scraped away some of the paint, leaving white marks on the wall.
Then she took out a paintbrush and replaced the strokes of artist Elias Garcia Martinez with her own, Spanish media reported.
When she realized how badly it had turned out, she contacted the city’s culture councilor, Juan Maria Ojeda.
“I think she had good intentions,” Ojeda was quoted as saying.
As it turns out, the woman’s efforts weren’t even necessary. An organization that restores Spanish artwork, El Centro de Estudios Borjanos, had just received a donation from Martinez’s granddaughter to repair the damage done by the moisture.
Ojeda said art experts are trying to determine whether the woman’s work can be undone.
“If we can’t fix it, we will probably cover the wall with a photo of the painting,” he said
[after the touch up]
“In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire”
Ralph Waldo Emerson