Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
~ Erica Jong
in what was probably not the best use of an hour or so, i found this website which cracked me up. they even offer a one-liner randomizer - who else does that?? here are some of my favorite one-liners:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
~ Dr. Seuss
it’s good to know you can just honk . . .
“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung
i saw this story in the post yesterday and it made me laugh so hard i think i read it 3 times. i guess the post peeps liked it too because they ran it again today.
An elderly parishioner’s attempt to touch up this cherished but deteriorating Spanish church fresco has turned Jesus into a cartoon figure.
The unidentified woman, in her 80s, was upset at the damage that moisture was wreaking on the 19th century fresco in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza.
Without authorization, the devoted woman scraped away some of the paint, leaving white marks on the wall.
Then she took out a paintbrush and replaced the strokes of artist Elias Garcia Martinez with her own, Spanish media reported.
When she realized how badly it had turned out, she contacted the city’s culture councilor, Juan Maria Ojeda.
“I think she had good intentions,” Ojeda was quoted as saying.
As it turns out, the woman’s efforts weren’t even necessary. An organization that restores Spanish artwork, El Centro de Estudios Borjanos, had just received a donation from Martinez’s granddaughter to repair the damage done by the moisture.
Ojeda said art experts are trying to determine whether the woman’s work can be undone.
“If we can’t fix it, we will probably cover the wall with a photo of the painting,” he said
[after the touch up]
“In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
the trend began with neon shoelaces – that’s what i noticed in nyc. neon shoelaces are tolerable, although not my personal preference. then came the entire sneaker – in awful neon colors. mostly orange and pink with green trending not to far behind. it almost hurts my eyes.
ridiculous looking neon “fashion” now comes in nail polish, purses, shirts, shoes and dresses. mixing neons is even worse. please people, let’s come together here – help save the reputation of my favorite city and ditch the neon!
if you want to see yourself featured in a magazine, keep on with the neon and you could end up a “glamour don’t”. lets keep the neon where it belongs – please?
“We must beware of yielding to the pressure of a spirit of cowardly conformity which proclaims itself everybody’s friend in the hope that everybody will obligingly return the compliment.”
― Antonin Sertillanges
the bus headed uptown on first ave:
3 year old child told his mother;
“he was dead and he couldn’t walk so he had to go to the hospital.”
on the sidewalk of east 52nd street:
when asked where his young son goes to pre-school;
man #1: “sutton place temple.”
man #2: “is it true that the more money you give at temple, the closer you get to sit to the menorah?”
corner of 53rd street & 3rd avenue:
woman on phone – late 50ish – heavy new yawk accent;
“did you eat?”
“are you full?”
“are you sure?”
2nd ave & 58th street:
teenager asked mother, “who is ed koch?”
50th street & 3rd avenue on st. patrick’s day:
20 something girl #1: “i’ve never been to a st. patrick’s day parade.”
20 something girl #2: “neither have i. i didn’t even know there
51th street & 2nd avenue on st. patrick’s day:
me: “it’s crazy out here.”
doorman: “yeah, it’s a beautiful day to throw up.”
1st avenue at 56th st:
2 moms, 2 strollers, 2 two year old children;
mom #1: “how does he like camp?”
mom #2: “i don’t know, he never tells me anything.”
while shooting pix with my canon 7d on park avenue:
“she has a better camera than you”
be sure to check the page, overheard in the city in the
only in ny section on this site for future updates!
the beverly hills hotel; what’s up with that place? i am never staying there again.
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) – -
Beverly Hills police say a hearse driver who was found dead with a body in the vehicle died while taking the casket to a funeral.
Lt. Lincoln Hoshino says authorities were alerted that a body was slumped over in the driver’s seat of a hearse parked near the Beverly Hills Hotel at about 3 p.m. Monday.
“Fear’s a bad way to be motivated, but a realistic sense of risk is a rational approach.”
~ Laurie Garrett
once in a while you hear something that you may have heard 1,000 times before, 1,000 different ways but the 1,001 st time – it actually sinks in!
i just heard les brown say, “you will fail your way to success.” this is very good news since i’ve basically spent the last 2 years failing. now i know i can expect gynormous success – starting now. i’ll keep you posted.
“Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.”
~ J. Paul Getty
once again with no plans for the weekend, all of the locals gone to their summer retreats, i thank god i live in the city. where else can you do so much with no money when you have nothing to do? in nyc i can just pick a neighborhood, head out with my camera and be busy and entertained for the day. this sunday, central park was my playground.
before i even made it into the park, i spotted this amazing 1956 desoto parked in front of the plaza:
i sat on the fountain wall for 30 minutes or so just watching all the people ogling the car while it’s owner answered all of their questions. almost everyone asked if the could sit inside and have their picture taken. the car’s owner, morgan denied them permission to get into his prized possession, but was happy to take their picture next to his car.
from a stretch hummer limo that pulled up in front of the plaza emerged an entire clan of 13 year old boys celebrating a bar mitzvah. rather than going into the hotel they headed right for the desoto. :)
even on his big day, morgan did not let the bar mitzvah boy get into the car but did offer to take his picture standing next to the car. the boy seemed happy and posed as all of his friends looked on with envy.
after about 15 minutes of observing morgan and the tourists, i learned everything there is to know about 1956 desotos. morgan saw me taking pictures of his car from the sidelines and i suppose he was curious as to why i wasn’t bombarding him with questions like the dozens of other people who surrounded him. he left his posse and walked over to me and began to ask me questions . . .
my brain was filled to the brim with desoto facts by this time and so morgan was compelled to pull out the big guns to impress me – at which point he asked me to accompany him over to the car. he opened the biggest trunk i ever saw, which was filled with desoto paraphernalia that he rifled through untl he found what he was looking for – the original ads for the ’56 desoto. “have you ever seen any of these?” he asked.
after showing me all of the advertisements, i admitted to morgan that i had indeed never seen any of those ads before. morgan then looked at my camera and asked me if i would like him to take a picture of me inside his car – i agreed.
onward to the park:
i stopped to pet 3 carriage horses at the traffic circle where there was a very loud, very angry carriage horse protest taking place. i proceeded into central park for a few wild life photo ops.
i listened to some amazing music,
ran into andy golub painting one of his many naked models,
watched lots of amazing street dancing by some of ny’s most talented,
i considered going to summer stage to see salt-n-pepa but the line was outrageous. i sat on a bench & listened and just imagined what they looked like on the stage.
all people to the left of the roadway are in line for the free concert ( ERIC BENET / SALT-N-PEPA / CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS / KENNY LATTIMORE / Q PARKER / DJ DWIZ) which was already well underway.
i watched people of all kinds - doing their thing:
and then did a bit of window shopping on the walk back home:
when i arrived back home, i fell onto the couch and wondered why there was no one here to walk the dog and cook dinner for me.
Whether you like it or not,
alone is something you’ll
be quite a lot”
~ Dr. Seuss
in an effort to keep these wise words relevant in the 21st century, i have revised montgomery’s quote.
this is a public service announcement.
another example of why watching television in unnecessary when you live in the city (especially when you only have channels 2 through 13, minus channel 12).
who would argue that this ny post article isn’t as good as any seinfeld episode?
By AMBER SUTHERLAND, JENNIFER BAIN and TODD VENEZIA
City officials pulled the plug on a vibrator giveaway by the Trojan condom company yesterday, disappointing potentially thousands of pleasure-seeking women who hoped to get their hands on some no-cost sex toys.
“I’m 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!” declared Linda Postell, who was among hundreds of women (and men!) waiting in the heat on Pearl Street only to be left unsatisfied. “I have a problem with the smoking ban, and the soda ban — and now this!”
Trojan sent tingles of excitement across the city when it announced the giveaway of some 10,000 vibrating sex toys from hot-dog-style pushcarts.
But instead of climaxing in a successful giveaway, the promotion was prematurely interrupted by City Hall, which sent a dark-suited representative to put the squeeze on Trojan’s “Pleasure Carts.”
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
~ Dr. Seuss
although he doesn’t look a day over 62, ivan is celebrating his 91st birthday today. that’s 13 in people years. in the 12 years and 8 months he’s lived with me he’s never said a word , yet i could write an entire book about him.
on december 8, 1999, i adopted ivan. when we got home, we both looked at each other & thought, “what do we do now?”
we went to the park on on 58th street & sutton place and bonded in an instant. i think it was the most fun he ever had in his first 4 months.
after all that playing, i put him down for a nap.
i can clearly remember not being able to take my eyes off him and i just stared at him asleep on the bed – until it was time to play some more.
as you can see, he’s exceptionally debonair,
incredibly modest about his good looks,
(unless i dress him up in something ridiculous)
he’s adventurous & athletically gifted,
a compassionate listener,
but most of all, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
happy birthday, my love!
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu
just this week i blew out 2 light bulbs, which were both replaced less than 2 months ago, my tv remote decided to stop working for no apparent reason and the batteries in the dvd remote completely corroded. i can only get internet service in one small spot in my apartment – unless of course it’s raining or even just extremely humid, in which case i cannot connect at all. i’m actually grateful to have tv / internet at all since i canceled all services with time warner cable on april 12th due to my current financial circumstances. the cable guy felt sorry for me so he left me with hook up to the basic channels 2 – 13 (minus channel 12 for some reason). i hook on to the one internet network in the building that isn’t locked and wake up in fear each day that the person who unknowingly shares it with me will move. all of that, i can live with – but now my notes have vanished.
i have an ipad with a ‘notes app’ that syncs with the notes on my phone. i use the note pad regularly to record everything. it’s the record of my life. this morning i opened my ipad notes and all pages were blank. no notes. nada. i rushed to my phone hoping for a back-up copy and found only blank pages there as well.
i’m wondering about the message here . . .
‘We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.’
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
often what happens in ny can really only happen in ny. take, for instance the story in today’s ny post. there’s a trial going on to decide the fate on robert morales. rob shot his parole officer & now he’s on trial for attempted murder. one of the juors on rob’s trial, juror #6, is an aspiring actor who recently applied to audition for a part on one of only 3 shows i watch; law & order. i love that show.
luckily, today juror #6 got a call back for the audition. yay, juror #6! he told brooklyn supreme court judge wayne ozzi and asked if he could go. the judge said yes.
according to the post,”
and for more important news, tanorexic, patricia krentcil, toned down her tan to prove she’s not an addict. see the ny post for details!
wishing a fabulous weekend to all!
“This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.”