2 months after i moved into my first doorman building, the doormen went on strike. along with the strike came no more ups deliveries (or any other union organization services like verizon, garbage pickup, con-edison) broken laundry machines, foul odors from rotting garbage, rodents and many other inconvenient features i could easily have in a much lower rent, non-doorman building.
a temporary staff of inexperienced people willing to work for minimum wages was put in place for the last 18 months. the application process consisted of responding to an ad on craigslist and telling the owner of the staffing company what the name on the weekly paycheck should be. it should be noted that the owner of the staffing company, modern staffing and security, has a criminal record for indecent exposure, writing worthless checks, theft of state funds, lewd & lascivious behavior as well as a long list of liens and judgments against him) yes, he would be in charge of staffing the building with people who have complete access to our building as well as the resident’s keys. most residents claimed their spare keys quickly and many others simply moved out. to add levity to a disastrous situation, the east 52nd street reality show was born.
all of the stories are true.
[Note to reader: Building Residents are referred to as Resident Cast Members or, RCM's, William Koeppel is the devious owner of the building and James Rexroat is the owner of Modern Staffing & Security, the company in charge of the replacement staff]
Here at East 52nd Street all of the cast & crew have been given the opportunity to pay exorbitant rents in exchange for services that truly go above and beyond other doorman buildings in midtown. For instance, the doorman will graciously give your key to anyone, just for the asking. Where else can one get that kind of service? Only at 350!
[scene: Early on a Saturday morning, Resident Cast Member X (RCM-X) sits with his coffee and his thoughts in the privacy of his own living room at 350 East 52nd Street. To the shock and surprise of RCM-X, the door to his apartment opens and in walks a complete stranger. Scene begins with RCM-X flying off couch in surprise as steaming hot coffee spills onto couch, carpet and self]
RCM-X: OMG! Jesus Christ! Who are you??? What are you doing in my apartment?
Stranger: I don’t know.
RCM-X: Get the [bleep!] out of my home -
Stranger scurries back into hallway.
After calming heart palpitations and icing burns on body, RCM-X storms down to lobby where he finds new weekend doorman who appears to be about 17 years old. RCM-X asks the child “manning” the lobby how the [bleep!] someone had the key to RCM – X’s [bleeping] apartment and what the [bleep] was going on? The door-child was pretty close to a complete loss for words and then offered the following explanation: They asked me for the keys.
RCM-X: So you just gave them my keys?
RCM-X: What he [bleep] is wrong with you?
About this time RCM-L returns from morning walk with dog and enters lobby of 350.
RCM-X says to RCM-L, This guy just gave my keys to a complete stranger who just walked into my apartment! What should I do?
RCM-L: Someone just walked in on you in your apartment? Did you call the police? I would call the police.
RCM-X turns to door-child and demands he find the stranger – ”NOW!” and stranger is summoned to lobby for questioning. Door-child begins shaking and tells self how sorry he is. He becomes wrought with fear over the possibility of losing his job after only 3 weekends on duty. Both Resident Cast Members take a few seconds to contemplate the moment. Suddenly, the intruding stranger emerges from elevator bank and rounds the corner into the lobby to answer to RCM-X.
RCM-X: How did you get the keys to my apartment? Who are you?
Stranger: I asked the doorman for them. I hope I didn’t get him in trouble – this was a mistake.
RCM-X: Who are you???
RCM-X: Why did you have the keys to my apartment? Do you live here? Do you know anyone who lives in this building? Have you ever been to this building before? Do you know the doorman? How did you even get in the building?
Charlene explains to the irate RCM that she did not live in the building, had never been to the building before, did not know the door-child, had come to clean an apartment on the 2nd floor and apparently there had been a mistake at the “office”, as they had instructed her to go to apartment 12-X rather than 2-X.
RCM-X asked Charlene the name of her cleaning company to which Charlene replied, Well it’s really just me and my husband. We advertise our cleaning services on Craigslist and someone from this building called. When my husband got the call, he must have wrote [sic] down the wrong apartment number.
RCM-X: So you don’t know the person who called you, you have never been to 350 East 52nd Street before, you ran an ad on Craigslist and the doorman just handed you my keys?
Charlene: Yes, I hope I didn’t get him in trouble.
Modern Staffing employees, who are only required to write their first and last name on a post it and have no proper training, do not warrant their ability to provide the tenants with a safe and secure environment, commiserate with the advertised “Luxury Living” standard. Tenants shall look solely to Modern Staffing and William Koeppel who shall remain liable for the personal safety as well as any and all incidental, consequential or special damages arising out of their failure to provide “Luxury Living” standards tenants were promised.
Note from the Sponsor: We have advised both Modern Staffing and William Koeppell on several occasions of the vast array of problems (see past episodes-especially ARREST) and they have steadfastly refused to conduct basic background checks, train the new staff, or responds to any of our complaints.
more of my favorite episodes can be found here, here, here & here.
obstacles and all, i remain eternally committed to being zen in the city.
“Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.”
be sure to check our show!