Category Archives: humor

standing outside


i want to meet the person who created this.  i know we could be good friends. . . . .

 

outstanding

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
 ~ Confucius

have you seen penelope?


 

in the event you were planning a vacation to the city, you may want to re-think your travel plans – or at least stay on top of this story from the post . . . . .

 

Pregnant tarantula on the loose in Park Slope

Help, my giant poisonous spider is missing — and she’s pregnant!

A hairy Mexican red rump tarantula named Penelope is on the loose in Park Slope. . . . “She’s mostly active at night and she tends to hide in dark corners,” . . . On the sign, the pet owner asks whoever finds her to put her in a “tupperware bowl” with holes, so she can breathe.

 

tarantula

 

When you seek it, you cannot find it.
 ~ Zen Proverb

 

 

for golfers only


what do you think are the chances of hitting a hole in one?  

golf

according to golf digest,  it’s one in 12,500  -  which is precisely why i don’t golf.  i will never understand why people think it’s so much fun to hit a ball around the grass to get it into a hole that it would take 12,500 swings, to actually achieve 100% success,  just one time. . . .  but people do love it – and my mom is one of those people – and today she got a hole in one!

here she is; the hole-in-one winner:

mom june 2014

and because this is not her first hole-in-one, she is eligible for the multiple hole-in-one winner gold star award!

gold star

congratulations, mom! 

“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
 ~ Hank Aaron

 

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why is the asparagus bleeding?


just a few weeks ago i told you the story of joe, the 96 year old man who got sick after eating his birthday cake which had a rat baked right into it.   i will try to limit the number of disturbing posts like that, but i will need a little help from the food industry . . . .

today, the ny post reported the story of robin.  robin ordered a salad for lunch from guy & gallard on west 40th street.  in her own words, here’s what she got in her salad:

“It was the craziest thing,” she said. “After a few bites, I look down at my fork, and think, ‘Oh, is that a piece of asparagus?’And then I saw that it had eyes, and an arm.”

the post reported,

Sandusky repackaged the head with the salad and sent it back to the deli, which promptly gave her a refund.

it’s good to know she got her money back.

i’ve spent the day wondering if she simply saw the lizard, or actually stabbed it with her fork.

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“Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.”
Paramahansa Yogananda

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the power of suggestion


just like every day, i checked my phone for the temperature outside before taking ivan out for his morning stroll.  it said 64 degrees. the sun was pouring in my windows.  64 & sunny . . . . it’s going to be a great day!

completely under dressed for the actual 46 degree temp outside, i arrived home a bit chilly and totally confused.  i checked my phone again.  64 degrees.  at first i wondered if my phone had picked up on the industrial strength warm weather thoughts i had been having for so long and was just trying to make me happy.

64 degree phone

then i noticed that the time under the weather was displayed as 7:31 pm, rather than am,  and i chalked the whole thing up to the power of my electronic disorder.

 

“The use of the will as the projector of mentative currents is the real base of all mental magic.”
~ William Walker Atkinson

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thank you for this information


post

Weekend storm could drop 3… or 30 inches of snow.

 

The Weather Underground forecasting service sees scattered snow starting in the city Saturday night, real snow coming Sunday morning (one to three inches), followed by more later in the day (three to five inches) — and flurries on Monday.

That’s not quite 30 inches.  . . .

That could produce a blizzard that drops several inches of snow per hour on whoever is unlucky enough to suffer the brunt of it, making it the worst storm of what’s becoming known as “the terrible winter of ’14.”

But five days out, it’s all far from certain. “I think we’re throwing darts,” Kines said.

just keeping you ‘posted.’

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i used to think 7 was my lucky number


7

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i’m changing my lucky number to 75.

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“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
 ~ Carl Jung 

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getting ready


you know when it rains it pours.  it’s pouring on east 52nd street today even though it’s 79 degrees and sunny outside.

i’m getting   trying to get my apartment ready for a visitor who is arriving tomorrow for one week.   the rain began last night when i attempted to connect a digital converter to the tv so that my guest can watch at least the basic channels. no can do.

ivan has developed a leak.  a big leak.  he is 98 in people years and i guess these things happen – but still . . .  i have ordered doggie diapers with money i don’t have, and should receive the diapers on saturday.  in the mean time, i have throw rugs on top of blankets covering every square inch of floor space to protect the rugs and flooring. all of these rugs and blankets need to be washed everyday at $7.00 per load.

then the dishwasher overflowed and flooded the entire kitchen.  there was so much water, i had to use my bath towels to stop it from running out into the living room.  since i now have massive amounts of laundry to do, i took the shower curtain & liner down and threw it in the laundry bag along with all of the pee soaked floor rugs.

upon returning home from my early walk with ivan, there was an irate tenant in the lobby who looked me right in the eyes and yelled, “i hate this building!”  when i asked what was going on, she replied, “i have a huge meeting at work today and the water is coming out black. i can’t shower and i have to go out and look for a place to brush my teeth!”

it is now 12:49 in the afternoon and i have not yet brushed my teeth, showered or begun the 5 loads of laundry i have contained in a hefty bag, growing mildew, in my living room.  i cannot clean the bathroom or the kitchen until i have clean water. 

“hi, welcome to my dirty apartment.  i hope you won’t need to shower this week because the shower curtain and bath towels are in that bag over there.  cooking and television will not be available options during your stay either.  please come in . . . .”

Brainslug

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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
 ~ Lily Tomlin 

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hairy turtles


strolling through central park, i found myself wondering, what has happened to the turtles?

central park ducks turtles birds (24).

“Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you.”
~ Wayne Dyer 

♥ 

too much drinking


drinking

Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.
~ Billy Graham