Category Archives: humor

too good not to share!


 

Pay close attention to each scene

Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss.

But … Before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I shall let you observe them on your own.

 

Couple 1

1

Couple 2
2

Couple 3

3

All right ………. Now that you’ve had time to quietly observe the images .

* in the first photograph, you might have noticed that the lady has one finger too many on her left hand,
* in the second photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind,
* and in the third photograph, the man has only one ear.

The campaign attained its purpose.

It proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect does.

 

although i wish i could take credit for this, it is one of those chain e-mails circulating around the universe that’s just too interesting not to share! 

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When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.
 ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

♥ 

standing outside


i want to meet the person who created this.  i know we could be good friends. . . . .

 

outstanding

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
 ~ Confucius

have you seen penelope?


 

in the event you were planning a vacation to the city, you may want to re-think your travel plans – or at least stay on top of this story from the post . . . . .

 

Pregnant tarantula on the loose in Park Slope

Help, my giant poisonous spider is missing — and she’s pregnant!

A hairy Mexican red rump tarantula named Penelope is on the loose in Park Slope. . . . “She’s mostly active at night and she tends to hide in dark corners,” . . . On the sign, the pet owner asks whoever finds her to put her in a “tupperware bowl” with holes, so she can breathe.

 

tarantula

 

When you seek it, you cannot find it.
 ~ Zen Proverb

 

 

for golfers only


what do you think are the chances of hitting a hole in one?  

golf

according to golf digest,  it’s one in 12,500  –  which is precisely why i don’t golf.  i will never understand why people think it’s so much fun to hit a ball around the grass to get it into a hole that it would take 12,500 swings, to actually achieve 100% success,  just one time. . . .  but people do love it – and my mom is one of those people – and today she got a hole in one!

here she is; the hole-in-one winner:

mom june 2014

and because this is not her first hole-in-one, she is eligible for the multiple hole-in-one winner gold star award!

gold star

congratulations, mom! 

“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
 ~ Hank Aaron

 

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why is the asparagus bleeding?


just a few weeks ago i told you the story of joe, the 96 year old man who got sick after eating his birthday cake which had a rat baked right into it.   i will try to limit the number of disturbing posts like that, but i will need a little help from the food industry . . . .

today, the ny post reported the story of robin.  robin ordered a salad for lunch from guy & gallard on west 40th street.  in her own words, here’s what she got in her salad:

“It was the craziest thing,” she said. “After a few bites, I look down at my fork, and think, ‘Oh, is that a piece of asparagus?’And then I saw that it had eyes, and an arm.”

the post reported,

Sandusky repackaged the head with the salad and sent it back to the deli, which promptly gave her a refund.

it’s good to know she got her money back.

i’ve spent the day wondering if she simply saw the lizard, or actually stabbed it with her fork.

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“Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.”
Paramahansa Yogananda

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the power of suggestion


just like every day, i checked my phone for the temperature outside before taking ivan out for his morning stroll.  it said 64 degrees. the sun was pouring in my windows.  64 & sunny . . . . it’s going to be a great day!

completely under dressed for the actual 46 degree temp outside, i arrived home a bit chilly and totally confused.  i checked my phone again.  64 degrees.  at first i wondered if my phone had picked up on the industrial strength warm weather thoughts i had been having for so long and was just trying to make me happy.

64 degree phone

then i noticed that the time under the weather was displayed as 7:31 pm, rather than am,  and i chalked the whole thing up to the power of my electronic disorder.

 

“The use of the will as the projector of mentative currents is the real base of all mental magic.”
~ William Walker Atkinson

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thank you for this information


post

Weekend storm could drop 3… or 30 inches of snow.

 

The Weather Underground forecasting service sees scattered snow starting in the city Saturday night, real snow coming Sunday morning (one to three inches), followed by more later in the day (three to five inches) — and flurries on Monday.

( That’s not quite 30 inches.  . . . )

That could produce a blizzard that drops several inches of snow per hour on whoever is unlucky enough to suffer the brunt of it, making it the worst storm of what’s becoming known as “the terrible winter of ’14.”

But five days out, it’s all far from certain. “I think we’re throwing darts,” Kines said.

just keeping you ‘posted.’

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i used to think 7 was my lucky number


7

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i’m changing my lucky number to 75.

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“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
 ~ Carl Jung 

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getting ready


you know when it rains it pours.  it’s pouring on east 52nd street today even though it’s 79 degrees and sunny outside.

i’m getting   trying to get my apartment ready for a visitor who is arriving tomorrow for one week.   the rain began last night when i attempted to connect a digital converter to the tv so that my guest can watch at least the basic channels. no can do.

ivan has developed a leak.  a big leak.  he is 98 in people years and i guess these things happen – but still . . .  i have ordered doggie diapers with money i don’t have, and should receive the diapers on saturday.  in the mean time, i have throw rugs on top of blankets covering every square inch of floor space to protect the rugs and flooring. all of these rugs and blankets need to be washed everyday at $7.00 per load.

then the dishwasher overflowed and flooded the entire kitchen.  there was so much water, i had to use my bath towels to stop it from running out into the living room.  since i now have massive amounts of laundry to do, i took the shower curtain & liner down and threw it in the laundry bag along with all of the pee soaked floor rugs.

upon returning home from my early walk with ivan, there was an irate tenant in the lobby who looked me right in the eyes and yelled, “i hate this building!”  when i asked what was going on, she replied, “i have a huge meeting at work today and the water is coming out black. i can’t shower and i have to go out and look for a place to brush my teeth!”

it is now 12:49 in the afternoon and i have not yet brushed my teeth, showered or begun the 5 loads of laundry i have contained in a hefty bag, growing mildew, in my living room.  i cannot clean the bathroom or the kitchen until i have clean water. 

“hi, welcome to my dirty apartment.  i hope you won’t need to shower this week because the shower curtain and bath towels are in that bag over there.  cooking and television will not be available options during your stay either.  please come in . . . .”

Brainslug

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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
 ~ Lily Tomlin 

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hairy turtles


strolling through central park, i found myself wondering, what has happened to the turtles?

central park ducks turtles birds (24).

“Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you.”
~ Wayne Dyer 

♥ 

too much drinking


drinking

Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.
~ Billy Graham

how to pick a mayor in the city


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post

They’ll drink to that! Dem mayoral candidates vow to let New Yorkers swill beer on their stoops

They’ll drink to that!

Booze lovers are toasting the Democratic mayoral candidates, who say almost unanimously that if elected they’ll let New Yorkers swill a beer on their stoops.

When asked the question in the “lightning round” at Wednesday’s Democratic mayoral debate, all the candidates — except Erick Salgado, a minister — said city residents should be able to drink a beer on their stoops.

“I should be able to drink ’em in a park and at the beach, too,” Anthony Weiner added.

Mom

“oy vey”
 ~ cags 

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shark suit – size L


if ivan fit on a roomba, he would sooo have a shark suit.

that’s hysterical!

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thong man’s summer outfit


missing the city . . . .

although the country can be nice in the summer time, i am really missing all of the things i love about nyc.  i miss central park,  the dorm-room apartment building drama, i miss my neighbors – and people in general, i miss walking to places and i miss thong man.

here is an old post i will re-read & reminisce . . . .

walking ivan tonight i ran into the opportunity i’ve waited 3 years for.  i actually had my iphone camera handy when  thong man came running up 2nd avenue.   unfortunately he wasn’t wearing his nude pantyhose because they are way better than the black body stocking he was sporting this evening.  this must be his summer outfit.

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i am counting the days until august 14th when i return back to nyc – where i belong.

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* more thong man

“Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.”
– unknown

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excuses


story people excuses

 ~ storypeople

 

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reporting live


current report from weather underground:

Now
Clear
Clear
Temperature
74.7 °F
Feels Like 75 °F
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to me it feels more like 74.2
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“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
 ~ Buddha 
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goat spay


i love nyc.  even with many of the challenges it provides on a daily basis, i just love ny.   there are however, some things i am still working on coming to peace with; things like the ny dmv, the subway during rush hour  and the inept humane society.  other than these few things, i love almost everything about this city.

the other day i made an appointment at a local country vet up here in the woods near susan’s country retreat, where i have spent a good part of the summer so far.  for ivan’s monthly rx refill, i generally go to the humane society on e. 59th street.  reading this previously blogged post on the humane society will give you a hint as to my feelings about the service they provide.   i had an additional visit with them since that post, but i was so upset by it, i chose to work on my anger towards the people who work there (who i am sure are doing the best they can under the circumstances they find themselves in daily, but still. . . ), rather than blog about it.  that visit was one month ago and my blood pressure has now returned to it’s normal level and i think i’m ready to compare my last visit at the vet in nyc to my recent visit to woodhill veterinary clinic in upstate ny.

my last appointment at the humane society in the city was scheduled for 2:30 in the afternoon.   i arrived on time, signed in and sat down in the 12’x15′ waiting area alongside about 15 other people and their animals.  dogs were barking wildly, cats meowing, and 1 guy was standing over by the reception area (approximately 4 feet from the sitting space) with a ferocious pit bull.   this dog obviously trained for fighting, was inside a crate, fully muzzled and bucking like a wild boar to escape the crate.   the crate was moving around as the owner attempted to hold it still.   animals in the waiting area were reacting in fear (as were most of the humans).

ivan is almost 14 ( 98 in dog years ),  cannot stand for long periods of time and gets nervous in crowds.  after approximately 5 minutes he began to shake and that soon morphed into an all out anxiety attack.  at 3:00 i went back to the reception area where i waited 15 minutes for someone to acknowledge me.

me:  “hi, i had an appointment for 2:30 and it’s now 3:15.  my dog is having a really hard time and i was wondering how much longer you think we’ll have to wait.”

receptionist: “i don’t know.  we’re very busy.”

about 5 minutes later, they called in a patient who had arrived well after ivan and i.  then another.   at 3:45, i noticed a sign on the wall stating the office closes at 4:00.  the agitated woman sitting next to me told me her appointment was for 2:45.  i sympathized and let her know mine was at 2:30.    i went back to reception to make sure ivan’s file hadn’t fallen through the cracks.   as i waited for a human being to come to the reception window, the bucking pitbull managed to separate the top half from the bottom half of his crate and bust out right next to me.   he was held back from the crowd by his owner & at that point, the staff thought it would be a good idea to get him out of the public area, and put him in the next available room.   following that incident, they called in the woman with the appointment scheduled for 2:45!

i was furious and ivan could barely stand.  he had been shaking steadily for more than 1.5 hours  when a staff member finally came to the window it was 4:10.  before i had the opportunity to inform him of my grievances, he yelled at me. 

“i know you’re here! and no, we didn’t lose your chart! there are a lot of sick dogs here!”

 this, he says, as i stood with my 98 year old dog who was practically having seizures at that point?

i promptly left.  ivan & i stood outside the door on east 59th street wondering how we were going to make it 7 blocks to get home in the condition we were in.

ivan

ivan

this months vet visit was quite a different experience.  we arrived in time for our 1:00 appointment to find one sweet woman with her bouncy 10 month old labrador puppy in the waiting room.   a minute or two after our arrival, a woman from the local wildlife conservation society rushed in with a small cat crate under her arm.  it contained a baby deer.  the animal techs rushed her into a back room right away.

fawn emergency & all, we were seen immediately. dr. susan tanner examined ivan and wrote his rx.   as i stood at the reception desk while my bill was being printed, a call came in.  the woman kindly apologized for having to take the call.  it was for a goat spay.

me: “do you get a lot of people calling for appointments to spay their goat?”

receptionist: “oh yes, we do a lot of that.”

on that note, i smiled and left the office 25 minutes after i had arrived.

thank you dr. tanner & co.

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“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.”
~ Mother Teresa

lessons from the country


#1.  wear boots in grass

as i stood barefoot in the grass today, a snake slithered right past my foot.  ivan was close by relieving himself.  he was a bit startled as the snake approached him.  he didn’t notice the snake but seemed to be some what alarmed by my blood curdling scream as the snake made it’s way toward him.  i may have scared the snake as well because i don’t even think he noticed ivan was peeing on him as he slithered right through ivan’s legs.

#2. i don’t ever want to be a cow

fly cow

hillsdale ny cow herd (15)

seriously, could you stand this for even 10 minutes?

hillsdale ny cow herd (17)

these cows are having a serious meeting.  presumably about the fly situation. 

cow herd 54

“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.”
~ Auguste Rodin 

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new york has turned into florida


Today Jun 29

Scattered T-Storms82°F – 64°F  Scattered T-Storms
CHANCE OF RAIN:
40%

Sun Jun 30

PM T-Storms82° – 68°  PM T-Storms
CHANCE OF RAIN:
50%

Mon Jul  1

T-Showers77° -68° T-Showers
CHANCE OF RAIN:
50%

Tue Jul 2

Scattered T-Storms77° – 67° Scattered T-Storms
CHANCE OF RAIN:
60%

Wed Jul 3

Scattered T-Storms83° – 68° Scattered T-Storms
CHANCE OF RAIN:
40%

Thu Jul 4

Scattered T-Storms83° -67° Scattered T-Storms
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RedSherFinder
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
 ~ Buddha
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a few good men


love  ♥  love    love  ♥  them both!

“i don’t deserve this award . . . . but i have arthritis and i don’t deserve that either.”
 ~ Jack Benny

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