i became ‘qualified’ in 1984 when i received my bachelors degree in commumications from university of hartford. it was not long after that i discovered that i was qualified for absolutely nothing in the real world. i immediately began collecting certifications in an effort to become ‘qualified’.
almost immediately upon graduating college, while working as a receptionist for a real estate / law firm in west hartford ct for minimum wage, i enrolled in bartending school. i recieved a 100% on the written exam and ‘graduated’ with the fastest time in the history of the school, on the practical (actual drink-making) exam. i got certified by ‘boston school of bartending’ and became a bartender.
in 2002 i got certified again. i thought it would be a good idea to brush up on my skills upon moving to california where there are virtually no other jobs. this time i got certified by the national bartenders school in san diego.
i successfully completed both the fitness instructor, personal fitness trainer at marymount manhattan college. double cert.
american council on excercise lifestyle & weight management consultant
american council on excercise personal trainer
american red cross cpr certification
2002 was a big year for becoming certified. by the year’s end i was certified as a master practicioner in the art & science of neuro-linguistic programming, reikii I and II, and clinical hypnosis – although i failed to fill out the proper paperwork for the actual hypnosis certificate - you’ll just have to trust me on that one.
also right around this time while employed as a roofing estimator for home depot, ( i told you there were no jobs in california. . .) i was sent to atlanta georgia for a week long training in roofing – i am sure i received some sort of certification for that as well but i can’t find it. i probably threw it out in an effort to erase the memory.
the international assembly of spiritual healers and earth stewards congregations certified me as an ordained minister (!) and certified spiritual healer.
also in 2003 i became certified as a loan processor by the american school of mortgage banking.
in 2004 i was re-certified by the american heart association to perform cpr. i’m not sure that counts, but i’m including it on my list of important certifications anyway.
2005 & 2006
in 2005 and 2006, i had no time to get certified.
in 2007 i became a certifed member ( and director) of the nutrition & metabolism society and have since had no time for additional certifications.
i suppose my vast collection of certifications qualify me for something in this world.
i have yet to figure out exactly what.
“We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing.”
- Mother Teresa