today’s news

today’s  front page  “news”

1. It’s all Michael Jordan’s fault.
Tiger Woods became a self-indulgent, sex-crazed narcissist because he hung out with the wrong crowd — namely, hard-partying, high-stakes hoopsters Jordan and Charles Barkley

2. Heil, idiot.
Jesse James, posing as Nazi fiend Adolf Hitler with a German army cap on his head, raising his arm in the notorious “sieg heil” salute and mimicking the evil dictator’s mustache with two fingers.

3.  The 2010 Baseball Guide

any if that doesn’t capture your attention and leave you begging for more mental stimulation, you can read about:

‘Steven Spielberg is so paranoid about security at his office, he keeps a never-used motorcycle permanently parked outside in case he needs to make a getaway, a new book about DreamWorks claims.’
or

‘Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, Heather Mills, broke down in tears and insisted yesterday that her former nanny doesn’t have a leg to stand on in a lawsuit accusing her of being a psychotic, imperious boss.’ 

just catching you up. . . !

*

“The American people deserve to know that they’re not just watching the administration’s spin on their local newscasts — they’re paying for it, too.”
  Senator John Kerry

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