looking for love?


PAY PHONE PERSONALS

A pudgy, fanny-pack-wearing 40-year-old man who lives with his mother is so desperate to find love, he’s posting handwritten personal ads at payphones around the city.

On paper, Malik Turner sounds like a fairly eligible bachelor — at first: He’s single, gainfully employed as a “sorter/bagger” for the United Parcel Service, loves the color red, roots for the Rangers and Jets.

The Harlem man loves movies, nightclubs, Coney Island and Atlantic City. His hobbies include playing video games and riding the subway.

Written in clear print and with extreme specificity, Turner’s ad says he’s seeking a blond, long-haired, “big-chested, curvy, leggy, voluptuous (NOT FAT)” woman — or women — age 21 to 45, “willing to take turns paying on date (NO GOLDDIGGERS!!!!!).”

*

“I go to nightclubs, but it’s hard for me to find a woman of my own. I talk to them, dance with them, but sometimes I don’t get their cellphone numbers,” he said. 
hard to imagine. . .  here is malik:

LIGHT MY FLIER!  Malik Turner, outside his Harlem homeyesterday, has beenposting this personal ad at payphones around the city,including this onein Hell's Kitchen.

if you match his requirements, please see flyer above for his contact information – and good luck to all.

read full story

*
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”

– Scott Adams

your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s