PAY PHONE PERSONALS
A pudgy, fanny-pack-wearing 40-year-old man who lives with his mother is so desperate to find love, he’s posting handwritten personal ads at payphones around the city.
On paper, Malik Turner sounds like a fairly eligible bachelor — at first: He’s single, gainfully employed as a “sorter/bagger” for the United Parcel Service, loves the color red, roots for the Rangers and Jets.
The Harlem man loves movies, nightclubs, Coney Island and Atlantic City. His hobbies include playing video games and riding the subway.
Written in clear print and with extreme specificity, Turner’s ad says he’s seeking a blond, long-haired, “big-chested, curvy, leggy, voluptuous (NOT FAT)” woman — or women — age 21 to 45, “willing to take turns paying on date (NO GOLDDIGGERS!!!!!).”
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“I go to nightclubs, but it’s hard for me to find a woman of my own. I talk to them, dance with them, but sometimes I don’t get their cellphone numbers,” he said.
hard to imagine. . . here is malik:
if you match his requirements, please see flyer above for his contact information – and good luck to all.
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“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”
– Scott Adams
