it’s a test. i know it is. after knocking into a table and dumping my laptop onto the floor, i spilled the glass full of lemon juice and wheatgrass i was carrying into the keyboard of my laptop on thanksgiving eve. i then went straight to bed.
no time for shopping on thanksgiving – for the first time in my life i went shopping on ‘black friday’. luckily, i discovered the sweetest older man who happened to work in the computer department within 5 seconds of entering bestbuy – where there must have been 2,000 shoppers. he answered all my questions, set me up with an asus laptop. i was informed that pc’s no longer come with recovery disks for the operating system but i could leave my computer in the store and they would make the disks for me in 3 hours for an extra $125 and. . . they would also install microsoft office and spyware defender for an additional 2 hours and $70. “no thanks, i’ll do it myself” i told the nice man and i was out of the store within an hour – home by 1:00.
it was around 2:00 by the time i walked ivan and began to set up my new computer. they weren’t kidding when they said it takes 3 hours just to make the recovery disks. by 5:00 i started on the installation of microsoft office 2010, photoshop, spyware defender and itunes; restarted my new computer with each installation, and it was nearly 9:00 when i decided to finish this on saturday.
while transferring my itunes library from the backup drive on saturday, i purchased microsoft publisher online. the thought of sorting through my 6,000+ songs & books to recreate my itunes playlists was overwhelming so i worked on it for about an hour, hardly making a dent, and decided to take a break from itunes & install publisher.
the first attempt at installation ended with a message informing me that the program did not install due to, i’m not quite sure, as the reason was in some kind of foriegn computer langauge that i could not decipher. i reinstalled. the same message appeared. ok, i just spent $149 on a new program for my work and the thought of waiting who knows how long to get a microsoft computer geek on the phone was not adding any light to my day.
i decided to put the call off until monday and moved on to photoshop. the photo transfer went smoothly so i took advantage of this happy moment and began to work on the itunes song sorting project. i opened itunes, the songs were all there, however, none of them worked. a window then appeared announcing that itunes must be reinstalled. i reinstalled itunes and haven’t had the nerve to open it since. the rest of the data transfer from the back up drive kept me busy pretty much the rest of saturday. I paused numerous times to breathe and thank the universe for all my good fortune including the resources to purchase my new computer despite the insanity it was trying to force upon me.
sunday came before i expected and luckily had a few minutes left over when my brand new laptop was finally ready to start work on monday – sans the publisher and itunes.
at 9:00am on monday it was time to make the call to microsoft for assistance installing publisher. a computer answered, which i guess should come as no surprise at ‘microsoft’. the computer told me it could not find an account associated with my phone number and then asked me to use the keypad or say the number of my case file. since i had no case file, i pressed ‘O’ for an operator. immediately the computer started from the beginning telling me it could not find an account associated with my phone number and then asked me to use the keypad or say the number of my case file. this time i said “customer service” fairly loudly. then i said it again and several more times as the computer insisted i enter my case file number, each time i said it just a little bit louder. after about 3 minutes of this, for some reason i thought it would be a good idea to scream “customer service” over and over, at the top of my lungs, while simultaneously pressing all of the numbers on the keypad and then holding down the O for a good ten seconds.
when my blood pressure settled and i put the phone back to my ear, there was a new recording! i was so happy. the computer was no longer asking about my file number, it just needed some information to be sure i was directed to the right department. it needed to know the nature of my problem and then listed 10,000 options. ok, maybe 5-7 options but it seemed like 10,000 and i forgot the first several by the time the computer-lady was finished. what i do remember is that none of the options were ‘publisher installation’ so i quickly pressed a random number before my time was up and it repeated the list of irrelevant options. the computer then needed to know what type of computer i have, what operating system it was running, if i had installed microsoft office 2003, microsoft office 2007 or microsoft office 2010, my age, weight and the social security number of my first born. i pressed a bunch of random numbers holding down the zero for ten seconds at the end of every question.
finally, 7 minutes and 11 seconds into the call a live person answered! she asked me for my name, phone number, e-mail address, nature of the problem, what type of computer i have, what operating system it was running, if i had installed microsoft office 2003, microsoft office 2007 or microsoft office 2010, my age, weight and the social security number of my first born. she assured me she was going to transfer me to a tech who could help me right away. immediately the elevator music started. i put the phone on speaker and began to check my e-mail although the music was so loud and unnerving, it was difficult to focus.
after 24 minutes i stopped trying. i closed my eyes, reminded myself that this was a test and concentrated on my breath. every once in a while, i would crack open my left eye and peek at the timer on the phone. by minute 34 i focused on the tears welling up in my eyes. i immediately thanked the universe for all my good fortune including the resources to purchase my new computer despite the insanity it was trying to force upon me. breathe. thank you. breathe. the phone timer read 35 minutes as i continued to breathe and thank.
at 37 minutes and 41 seconds an indian man who i had trouble understanding stopped the music. he told me his name was nasir. he asked me my name. then nasir asked me for my phone number, e-mail address, nature of the problem, what type of computer i have, what operating system it was running, if i had installed microsoft office 2003, microsoft office 2007 or microsoft office 2010, my age, weight and the social security number of my first born. i tried to hold back the tears.
in 57 minutes flat, publisher was installed on my new laptop! it was only 10:00 am. i immediately thanked the universe for all my good fortune including the resources to purchase my new computer despite the insanity it was trying to force upon me and reminded myself that it was 5:00 somewhere.
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
– Victor Hugo