the spectrum

with the exception of just a few minor discrepancies, (which i will point out in pink) i could have written this very blog post – but i did not.  laura d. did.  i just wish i had.

“Now, I’ve been a form of some kind of vegetarian for almost five (thirty) years now. My family is very accepting of this practice but my mother likens it to me becoming a Buddhist in that it was a very radical departure from the way I was raised. Being a vegetarian was a very foreign concept to my family, particularly my father whose particular “born and raised in Brooklyn/ nj” taste in food is MEAT + VEGETABLES FROM A CAN.

It was especially confusing for my dad because I went straight from being an omnivore to a vegan. Vegetarianism is one thing, veganism is another and my dad was often confused.

WANT SOME PIZZA?

I don’t eat dairy.

WHAT? WHO DOESN’T EAT DAIRY?

Vegans don’t.

OH.

Pause.

WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A GRILLED CHEESE?

Etc. Etc. Etc.

My dad is still confused and I suppose it’s understandable as my sister doesn’t eat red meat, I don’t eat any meat and my sister-in-law is a picky eater in general. He can’t really keep any of it straight.

A few weeks ago, he was going on and on about some new recipe he made and he said STAY RIGHT HERE! I’LL GET YOU SOME TO TRY FROM THE FRIDGE!

Great! I said.

He kept talking. (sans the ny accent)

IT HAS LENTILS IN IT, ALL HEALTHY STUFF. SOME CARROTS, SOME OTHER BEAN TYPE-A THING AND SOME CHICKEN SAWSAGE. SUPA HEALTHY.

Wait, dad? I don’t eat sausage.

BUT IT’S CHICKEN???

Um. I don’t eat meat.

I THAWT CHICKEN WAS OKAY.

No…

Etc. Etc. Etc.

So, I told him over the phone that I was super psyched for him to cook me lunch tomorrow and that vegetarian options would be great if that was okay.

SURE SURE! he said.

But after we hung up, he wasn’t so sure and so, I received three voicemails over the course of an hour.

#1.

LAWRA. IT’S YOUR DAD. I JUST REALIZED THAT ONE OF MY RECIPES CAWLS FOR SHRIMP. DO YOU EAT SHRIMP? I CAN’T REMEMBA. CAWL ME BACK.

#2.

LAWRA. DA SHRIMP YOU CAN LET ME KNOW ABOUT BUT ALSO DERE’S CHICKEN BRAWTH IN DA SPANISH RICE. I CAN MAKE IT WITH VEGETABLE BRAWTH INSTEAD, RIGHT? UNLESS YOU EAT CHICKEN. BUT I DON’T KNOW IF YOU DO. YOUR SISTA DOES. SHE LIKES THAT DISH I MAKE WITH DA PEPPAS. YOU EAT THAT? I FORGET. I DON’T THINK YOU EAT THAT. I’LL GET SOME VEGETABLES FROM DA STORE. WELL, NOT VEGETABLES. JUST THE BRAWTH. OKAY. THIS IS YOUR DAD. CAWL ME BACK SOMETIME.

#3.

LAWRA. YOUR MOTHA SAYS YOU MIGHT EAT DA SHRIMP. BUT DEN I REALIZED THE RECIPE HAS SCALLOPS TOO. ARE THOSE OKAY OR DO YOU NOT WANNA KILL THOSE? CAWL ME BACK.

Oh my goodness.

I cannot WAIT for lunch.”

you can read he entire post from laura’s blog here.

*

“people are funny”
– lc 

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