Category Archives: amazing people

for golfers only


what do you think are the chances of hitting a hole in one?  

golf

according to golf digest,  it’s one in 12,500  –  which is precisely why i don’t golf.  i will never understand why people think it’s so much fun to hit a ball around the grass to get it into a hole that it would take 12,500 swings, to actually achieve 100% success,  just one time. . . .  but people do love it – and my mom is one of those people – and today she got a hole in one!

here she is; the hole-in-one winner:

mom june 2014

and because this is not her first hole-in-one, she is eligible for the multiple hole-in-one winner gold star award!

gold star

congratulations, mom! 

“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
 ~ Hank Aaron

 

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just trying to get a little information . . . .


it’s already after 3:30 in the afternoon and i’ve done nothing else but try to get some information on health insurance so far today.  i have none.  this is why:

You are now chatting with Shawn. Welcome to eHealthInsurance’s live chat service. How can I help you today?

Shawn: Hello.

laurie: Hi, It says the full brochure for plan summary is not available online – can I get one mailed to me?

laurie: this is the plan I am interested in: Empire Essential Guided Access (cbjw) $427.33/mo 

laurie: Are you there?

laurie: hello?

laurie: This is a great service you offer – this live chat thing . . . .

laurie: Did you die?

Shawn: Thank you for holding…

laurie: Im not holding. I will call a real company. It was a simple question.

Shawn: in this case, you may expedite your research by calling us at 877-731-3655 and let our licensed representatives look into that for you

Shawn: I apologize, a Chat Operator cannot discuss benefits  through Chat.

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a few of the many questions that arise for me include;  

why does shawn have a job and i do not?  

what exactly is shawn’s job?  

supposedly he’s a customer service rep for e-health, yet he is unable to discuss health benefits through chat?

he’s an e-health customer service representative who’s function is to refer me to a real representative?  

have i gone insane?

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“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.”
~ Dale Carnegie

warning! this is truly disturbing . . . .


 

this is joe:

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and this is his story as reported by the ny post:

Joseph Vallenti celebrated his 96th birthday with a big slice of his favorite apple strudel cake, but there was one filling he didn’t count on — a rat.

“Something isn’t right,” family members recall the Commack man saying after tucking into the store-baked “Signature Series” cake from King Kullen supermarket.

Vallenti fell ill with stomach pains and diarrhea. So Neil Gold, who is dating Vallenti’s niece and lives with the victim, investigated the remaining cake — and allegedly found a five-inch-long rat’s tail still attached to the rodent’s hindquarters.

“I saw . . . something sticking out,” Gold said Friday after bringing the allegedly infested strudel to the law offices of his friend, attorney Ed Yule.
I flipped it over and saw the whole tail bleeding into the cake.”

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i am truly at a loss for words. 

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“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”
 ~ Emory Austin

 

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loving wayne dyer


i’ve been loving wayne dyer since the early 90’s.  really, he should be my husband.  .  .  .

here’s his advice for today:

Inspiration is a state of being here now in this material world, while at the same time reconnecting to our spiritual origins. In order to be receptive to inspiration, we need to eliminate the ego clutter that accumulates all too easily for most of us—after all, if we’re preoccupied with events and activities that have nothing to do with inspiration, we’re unlikely to notice its summons. So in order to achieve a reunion with our ultimate calling, we need to emulate the clear, uncomplicated world of Spirit.

This doesn’t mean that we should sit around doing nothing, awaiting Spirit’s arrival; instead, it means having faith that our spiritual connection flourishes in a life dedicated to joy, love, and peace. If our daily activities are so overwhelming that we don’t make these things our priority, then we’re disregarding the value of living a simple life.

My 12-Step Program for Simplifying Your Life
Here are 12 very specific tools for simplifying your life. Begin using them today if you’re serious about hearing that ultimate call to inspiration.

  1. Unclutter Your Life. You’ll feel a real rush of inspiration when you clear out stuff that’s no longer useful in your life:

    If you haven’t worn it in the past year or two, recycle it for others to use. Get rid of old files that take up space and are seldom, if ever, needed. Donate unused toys, tools, books, bicycles, and dishes to a charitable organization. 

    Get rid of anything that keeps you mired in acquisitions that contribute to a cluttered life. In the words of Socrates, “He is nearest to God who needs the fewest things.” So the less you need to insure, protect, dust, reorganize, and move, the closer you’ll be to hearing inspiration’s call.

  2. Clear your Calendar of Unwanted and Unnecessary Activities and Obligations. If you’re unavailable for Spirit, you’re unlikely to know the glow of inspiration. God will indeed work with you and send you the guidance—and the people—you need, but if you’re grossly overscheduled, you’re going to miss these life-altering gifts. So practice saying no to excessive demands and don’t feel guilty about injecting a dose of leisure time into your daily routine.
  3. Be Sure to Keep Your Free Time Free. Be on the lookout for invitations to functions that may keep you on top of society’s pyramid, but which inhibit your access to joyful inspiration. If cocktail parties, social get-togethers, fund-raising events, or even drinking-and-gossiping gatherings with friends aren’t really how you want to spend your free time, then don’t. Begin declining invitations that don’t activate feelings of inspiration. I find that an evening spent reading or writing letters, watching a movie with a loved one, having dinner with my children, or even exercising alone is far more inspiring than getting dressed to attend a function often filled with small talk. I’ve learned to be unavailable for such events without apologizing, and consequently have more inspired moments freed up.
  4. Take Time for Meditation and Yoga. Give yourself at least 20 minutes a day to sit quietly and make conscious contact with God. I’ve written an entire book on this subject called Getting in the Gap, so I won’t belabor it here. I will say that I’ve received thousands of messages from people all over the world, who have expressed their appreciation for learning how to simplify their life by taking the time to meditate. I also encourage you to find a yoga center near you and begin a regular practice. The rewards are so powerful: You’ll feel healthier, less stressed, and inspired by what you’ll be able to do with and for your body in a very short time.
  5. Return to the Simplicity of Nature. There’s nothing more awe-inspiring than nature itself. The fantasy to return to a less tumultuous life almost always involves living in the splendor of the mountains, the forests, or the tundra; on an island; near the ocean; or beside a lake. These are universal urges, since nature is created by the same Source as we are, and we’re made up of the same chemicals as all of nature (we’re stardust, remember?).

    Your urge to simplify and feel inspired is fueled by the desire to be your natural self—that is, your natureself. So give yourself permission to get away to trek or camp in the woods; swim in a river, lake, or ocean; sit by an open fire; ride horseback through trails; or ski down a mountain slope. This doesn’t have to mean long, planned vacations that are months away—no matter where you live, you’re only a few hours or even moments away from a park, campground, or trail that will allow you to enjoy a feeling of being connected to the entire Universe.

  6. Put Distance between You and Your Critics. Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism. You don’t have to endure the criticism with anything other than a polite thank-you and a promise to consider what’s been said—anything else is a state of conflict that erases the possibility of your feeling inspired. You never need to defend yourself or your desires to anyone, as those inner feelings are Spirit speaking to you. Those thoughts are sacred, so don’t ever let anyone trample on them.
  7. Take Some Time for Your Health. Consider that the number one health problem in America seems to be obesity. How can you feel inspired and live in simplicity if you’re gorging on excessive amounts of food and eliminating the exercise that the body craves? Recall that your body is a sacred temple where you reside for this lifetime, so make some time every single day for exercising it. Even if you can only manage a walk around the block, just do it. Similarly, keep the words portion control uppermost in your consciousness—your stomach is the size of your fist, not a wheelbarrow! Respect your sacred templeand simplify your life by being an exerciser and a sensible eater. I promise that you’ll feel inspired if you act on this today!
  8. Play, Play, Play! You’ll simplify your life and feel inspired if you learn to play rather than work your way through life. I love to be around kids because they inspire me with their laughter and frivolity. In fact, if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times: “Wayne, you’ve never grown up—you’re always playing.” I take great pride in this! I play onstage when I speak, and I’m playing now as I write.

    Many years ago I was given a tremendous opportunity to appear on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. The man who took a chance on me, booking me even though I was an unknown at the time, was a talent coordinator named Howard Papush. It was my first big break, and I went on to appear on The Tonight Show 36 additional times. Now it’s my turn to say thank you to Howard. He’s written a wonderful book titled When’s Recess? Playing Your Way Through the Stresses of Life, which I encourage you to read. (Howard also conducts workshops that teach people how to play and have fun in life.) In the book, Howard shares this great quote from Richard Bach: “You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.” I couldn’t agree more—by all means, get back in touch with your real, playful self, and take every opportunity to play! Notice how it makes everything so sweet, and so simple.

  9. Slow Down. One of Gandhi’s most illuminating observations reminds us that “there is more to life than increasing its speed.” This is great advice for simplifying your life—in fact, slow everything way down for a few moments right here and now. Slowly read these words. Slow your breathing down so that you’re aware of each inhalation and exhalation…

    When you’re in your car, downshift and relax. Slow down your speech, your inner thoughts, and the frantic pace of everything you do. Take more time to hear others. Notice your inclination to interrupt and get the conversation over with, and then choose to listen instead. Stop to enjoy the stars on a clear night and the cloud formations on a crisp day. Sit down in a mall and just observe how everyone seems in a hurry to get nowhere.

    By slowing down, you’ll simplify and rejoin the perfect pace at which creation works. Imagine trying to hurry nature up by tugging at an emerging tomato plant—you’re as natural as that plant, so let yourself be at peace with the perfection of nature’s plan.

  10. Do Everything You Can to Eschew Debt. Remember that you’re attempting to simplify your life here, so you don’t need to purchase more of what will complicate and clutter your life. If you can’t afford it, let it go until you can. By going into debt, you’ll just add layers of anxiety onto your life. That anxiety will then take you away from your peace, which is where you are when you’re in-Spirit. When you have to work extra hard to pay off debts, the present moments of your life are less enjoyable; consequently, you’re further away from the joy and peace that are the trademarks of inspiration. You’re far better off to have less and enjoy the days of your life than to take on debt and invite stress and anxiety where peace and tranquility could have reigned. And remember that the money you have in your possession is nothing but energy—so refuse to plug in to an energy system that’s not even there.
  11. Forget about the Cash Value. I try not to think about money too frequently because it’s been my observation that people who do so tend to think about almost nothing else. So do what your heart tells you will bring you joy, rather than determining whether it will be cost-effective. If you’d really enjoy that whale-watching trip, for instance, make the decision to do so—don’t deny yourself the pleasures of life because of some monetary detail. Don’t base your purchases on getting a discount, and don’t rob yourself of a simple joy because you didn’t get a break on the price. You can afford a happy, fulfilling life, and if you’re busy right now thinking that I have some nerve telling you this because of your bleak financial picture, then you have your own barrier of resistance.

    Make an attempt to free yourself from placing a price tag on everything you have and do—after all, in the world of Spirit, there are no price tags. Don’t make money the guiding principle for what you have or do; rather, simplify your life and return to Spirit by finding the inherent value in everything. A dollar does not determine worth, even though you live in a world that attempts to convince you otherwise.

  12. Remember Your Spirit. When life tends to get overly complex, too fast, too cluttered, too deadline oriented, or too type A for you, stop and remember your own spirit. You’re headed for inspiration, a simple, peaceful place where you’re in harmony with the perfect timing of all creation. Go there in your mind, and stop frequently to remember what you really want.

A man who personified success at the highest intellectual and social levels would hardly seem one to quote on simplifying our life, yet here’s what Albert Einstein offers us on this subject: “Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury—to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.”

Wow! I’d say this is pretty good advice, wouldn’t you?

Namaste,

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Heart3♥ 


mandela

♥ 

“You may find that the cell is an ideal place to learn to know yourself, to search realistically and regularly the process of your own mind and feelings”

 ~ Nelson Mandela

♥ 

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not news


ok , so this may not be news in that apparently it happened 4 days ago, but sylvia brown died?!   omg, why didn’t anyone tell me?   i just found out from a comment on ned’s blog.

here is her september 10th fb post – it was the next to last message she ever posted:

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    “If you are afraid to die, you will not fully live.”
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do you think she knew??    rip, sylvia –  see you on the other side.
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“Faith is a passionate intuition.”
~ William Wordsworth 

curtis


i park my car all the way uptown in east harlem on 117th street.  the last time i parked the car, i ran into curtis on my walk over to the subway en-route to midtown.  curtis is a sweet kid who worked as a temporary porter / doorman in my building at the time of the doormen’s strike.  he lives uptown and was on his way home when we met several weeks back.  i wondered if i would see him again as i walked from 117th to the 116th street train station.  

as i stood on the platform and waited for the train, i thought about curtis and hoped he was doing well.  when i last spoke with him, he had still not found a job. he decided to go back to school and planned on applying to an audio engineering program at a college in the bronx.  i wondered if he followed through.

as i exited the train at the 51st street platform, who do you think was sitting on the bench waiting for a train?  yup, it was curtis!   he was running some errands for his mom, which brought him to midtown.  he will find out next week if he is accepted into the engineering program.

i love when the universe answers immediately!

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“Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.”
– Carl Jung

how low can you go?


in a pathetic attempt to get his ex-wife angry, this man gave his child’s dog away. a very good plan.  it sure did work.  and now their 16 year old daughter is paying for it with her tears.  please show support for katie jones by reading this child’s plea and leave  loving comments on her “missing molly” blog. thanks for your kindness and for helping a wonderful child know that there is way more good than bad in this world.

 molly’s website

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Heart

Wherever there is a human in need, there is an opportunity for kindness and to make a difference.

 ~ Kevin Heath

Heart

he’s a keeper!


♥  love, love, love this story!  ♥

(NEWSER) – Turns out Pinterest is good for something other than bookmarking recipes and crafts you’re never really going to make: One resourceful boyfriend snuck onto the site and used his girlfriend’s “Dream Wedding” pin board to actually create her dream wedding, the Daily Mailreports. It all started when Ryan Leak, 27, overheard his then-girlfriend Amanda Roman, 25, tell a friend that she wanted to get engaged and married on the same day. So, for the next year, Leak set out to make it happen.

Using the 220 images on her Pinterest board, Leak chose the flowers, the decorations, and even Roman’s dress. In June, the couple flew from their home in Dallas to Miami (he told her they were helping a friend move), where Leak proposed … and hours later, they got hitched. About 100 of their friends and family members were there, and Leak even flew out Roman’s hairstylist to do her hair. “When I opened the door and I saw everyone that I loved standing there it was so overwhelming, I felt so overwhelmed with love,” Roman says. And she was wowed: “Realistically I never thought that I would be able to pull off some of the things I saw on Pinterest.”

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i wish mr. & mrs. leak happiness forever!  good job, ryan! 

“Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.”
 ~ Alice Walker 

you never know who’s watching


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for two and a half years now, i have lived directly across the street from the thai mission.   the doorman at the thai general consulate has worked there for 41 years, although i didn’t know that until today.   i really don’t know very much about him at all, actually.   he speaks very little english and i’m sure we have never had a conversation lasting longer than one minute – until just now.   on my way back home from walking ivan, he crossed the street and waved me over to let me know that today would be his last day, and in his very broken english said the following:

you haven’t been around much lately and i was hoping i would see you before i left.  you are one of the good ones, a big heart, kind – i know it and god knows it.  i wanted to make sure to say goodbye to you – god bless you.

i am putting that on my top 10 nicest things ever to happen list.

thai flag.

“If you see good in people, you radiate a harmonious loving energy which uplifts those around you. If you can maintain this habit,this energy will turn into a steady flow of love.”
 ~ Annamalai Swami

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angel party


angel party in the sky today – i’m sure of it!   happy birthday, sis.   you’re still being thought about and missed every single day down here.   

Little Sis Sis B&W Dress

Sis

Sis

I searched for God and found only myself.
I searched for myself and found only God.
~Sufi Proverb

♥ 

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how to pick a mayor in the city


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They’ll drink to that! Dem mayoral candidates vow to let New Yorkers swill beer on their stoops

They’ll drink to that!

Booze lovers are toasting the Democratic mayoral candidates, who say almost unanimously that if elected they’ll let New Yorkers swill a beer on their stoops.

When asked the question in the “lightning round” at Wednesday’s Democratic mayoral debate, all the candidates — except Erick Salgado, a minister — said city residents should be able to drink a beer on their stoops.

“I should be able to drink ’em in a park and at the beach, too,” Anthony Weiner added.

Mom

“oy vey”
 ~ cags 

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twinkies & root beer


A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.

         

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons. 

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?

“He replied, “I had lunch with God.” But before his mother could respond, he added, “You know what? God’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked,” Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied, “I ate Twinkies in the park with God.” However, before his son responded, he added,” You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

~author unknown~

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thong man’s summer outfit


missing the city . . . .

although the country can be nice in the summer time, i am really missing all of the things i love about nyc.  i miss central park,  the dorm-room apartment building drama, i miss my neighbors – and people in general, i miss walking to places and i miss thong man.

here is an old post i will re-read & reminisce . . . .

walking ivan tonight i ran into the opportunity i’ve waited 3 years for.  i actually had my iphone camera handy when  thong man came running up 2nd avenue.   unfortunately he wasn’t wearing his nude pantyhose because they are way better than the black body stocking he was sporting this evening.  this must be his summer outfit.

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i am counting the days until august 14th when i return back to nyc – where i belong.

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* more thong man

“Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.”
– unknown

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yikes! in the news . . . .


would you look at this?   omg – is all i can say.

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A baby, weighing 13.4 pounds and 57cm long, has been born naturally.

Jasleen, a baby girl, was born at University Hospital in Leipzig, Germany, on July 26, making her the country’s largest-ever.   story

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“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
 ~ Friedrich Nietzsche 

scary newsstand part 2


it hardly seems like it’s for real, wouldn’t you agree?  this may be a seriuosly good comedy one day – but for those of us who live here, it is real and it is frightening.

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“carlos danger”  &  “client #9”

 part 2: carlos danger, serial penis texter running for mayor

you know how the media often assigns names to the news stories that won’t go away?  well i’d like to throw my own suggestion into the ring for consideration on these combined stories of the month:  weiner-spit.  the weiner-spit era. it has a ring to it and it’s pretty much what comes to mind every time i read anything about eliot spitzer or anthony weiner.  weiner-spit. what do you think, will it catch on?

i wrote my thoughts on eliot spitzer in my previous post but what about weiner? omg, is he like mentally 12 years old?  are people in this city really going to consider a man who finds pleasure in sexting and serial lying for mayor? really? i get annoyed when i’m in duane reade and the employees are texting while i await help.  can you imagine another catastrophic situation like 9-11 and all of the mayoral aides are running around looking for their leader only to find him holed up in a broom closet somewhere in the mayor’s mansion with his pants down around his ankles, giggling as he presses “send”?

so after all the public humiliation to himself and his family, all of the demeaning news stories, apologizing to his wife and to the public, and, just knowing that his own penis pix have gone viral, he does it again???  he just can’t seem to help himself – and he wants to be mayor of new york? seriously?  are there really people in this city who believe a man who cannot stop sexting strangers is the best man for the job?

according to the post,

She calls herself “Syyydney.” She loves President Obama, polar bears and pink clip-on hair extensions.

And when she wasn’t enjoying lurid e-sex with mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner, she was elsewhere online, coming to the defense of both Weiner and his wife.

[Weiner], she told TheDirty.com, had promised her a condo in Chicago and a possible job at Politico — had seemed like her ticket out.

“It literally disgusts me,” teary-eyed Sydney Leathers said, of the pack of lies she bought from the horny pol. “It makes me feel physically ill. I’m disgusted by him. He’s not who I thought he was. ”

Leathers, in an exclusive sitdown with “Inside Edition” that will air in full tomorrow, said she’s “barely been able to eat” since news of her illicit cyber tryst with the married mayoral candidate broke earlier this week.  ny post

(omg. did you really, really believe all that, syyydney?)

anthony weiner is just creepy in my opinion – always has been – way before he made the news texting penis pix.  but can we talk about huma?  she’s got a great resume, brains, personality and good looks.  can someone help me understand why she is married to that weasel?

Slant

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?”
― Albert Einstein

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scary newsstand


i’ve been back in town for several days now but frankly, i’m a little nervous going outside.  i’m a bit afraid i may run into another newsstand.  the cover of new york magazine is scaring me this week.  seriously.

here it is.

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“carlos danger”  &  “client #9”

 part 1: client #9

i don’t like to follow politics, but when the man who wants to be new york city comptroller already stepped down as governor because he used our money to fund unnecessary trips where he would meet up with very expensive prostitutes, lied to his family, lied to the people he was supposedly “governing” and got caught, you just can’t help but to find out – even if you try to avoid the news. most egregiously, eliot spitzer got himself elected to the governors office using his tough stance on ethics.  ethics!

before he became governor he was the attorney general and leader of the state’s organized crime task force, where he headed the prosecution of two prostitution rings, according to the times.  who out there thinks it’s a good idea for the guy who used tax payer money to fund unnecessary trips so that he could meet ladies should be comptroller?  this man doesn’t know how to tell the truth and we should trust him with our money?

When he was attorney general, Mr. Spitzer’s signature issue was pursuing Wall Street misdeeds. But he also oversaw the prosecution of at least two prostitution rings by the state’s organized crime task force, which reports to the attorney general.

In one such case in 2004, Mr. Spitzer spoke with revulsion and anger after announcing the arrest of 16 people for operating a high-end prostitution ring out of Staten Island.

“This was a sophisticated and lucrative operation with a multitiered management structure,” Mr. Spitzer said at the time. “It was, however, nothing more than a prostitution ring.”  ny times

i’m not against prostitution,  i really don’t think it’s any of my business who’s paying who for anything as long as they are in agreement on the deal, and i don’t have a clue why it’s against the law to sell your services if that what you’re wanting to do.  personally, i think ashley dupree was slumming it when she agreed to meet with client #9, but hey, that’s her choice, not mine.

eliot spitzer has proved himself to be an elitist, creepy liar and hypocrite and seeing his snake like eye on the cover of that magazine every time i go out is freaking me out.  the madame of the brothel he used is running against spitzer in the race for city comptroller.  i hope she wins.

Embarrassed

“if they both win, the city will be run by the peter tweeter & the hooker booker.”
 ~ Jay Leno

place your bet here!


the bidding will begin at 3 million dollars,  but i suspect it will fetch much more  –  what do you think?

the original schindler’s list (the real list, not the movie!)  is for sale on e-bay.

schindlers list

i bet someone will be willing to pay 10 million for it.   place your bet in the comment box below.  

and the winner gets   . . . .  (insert  drum-roll here ) . . .

 to be right!Grin

“The List is Life.”, Schindler’s List” 
― Thomas Keneally, Schindler’s List

a few good men


love  ♥  love    love  ♥  them both!

“i don’t deserve this award . . . . but i have arthritis and i don’t deserve that either.”
 ~ Jack Benny

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need a boost today?


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sometimes the junk-mail-type-emails i get are really funny!

If you ever feel something you’ve said sounded a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you’ll begin to think you’re a genius.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

–Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”

— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become the spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

–Winston Bennett,  University   of  Kentucky   basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”

— Marion Barry, Mayor,  Washington , D.C.

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in  Texas   .

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“Half of this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”

–Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love  California ; I practically grew up in  Phoenix   .”

— Vice President Dan Quayle

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves:  How much clean air do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca

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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football; a genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate.  We simply exclude certain types of people.”

— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.  You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports have come from overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.  And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

· 
“He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower.”
~ Mary Howitt
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Cyan