inside out umbrellas

January 18th,  2006

It is down-pouring out – torrential rains and 42 mph winds. The news has already reported accidents all over the place, flooding and fallen trees. I should probably cancel my appointments and work from home today but I don’t.

I called the garage to confirm that my car would be ready at 8:30. I left at 8:15 am to give myself plenty of time to get to my 10:00 appointment in Westchester.  My umbrella was blown inside-out and I was soaking wet by the time I walked the 4 blocks to my garage. My car was being pulled up just as I arrived. The normally friendly garage guy got out of my car, waved hello and quickly left to get the next car. They must be extremely busy today, I thought to myself, because this guy always hangs around for his $1 tip.  It’s going to be a great day – I’ve already saved a dollar and this canceled out the fact that I was completely drenched. I got into my car only to discover that the reason he left so quickly was because he had just left the biggest, smelliest most disgusting man-fart ever – in my car! There were already several cars waiting for me to pull out so that they could enter the garage and I had no choice to get into the fart filled car and get out of the way.

The FDR Drive was flooded and traffic was not moving at all. I had to keep my window opened because the smell was so foul. The rain was streaming in sideways and the fart seemed to linger in the wet air and would not leave my car. I sat in my wet clothing in the fart-filled air for two and a half hours on the Major Deegan. Either there was a terrible accident or a massive flood, but for whatever reason I was not moving at all. Eventually I was able to make it to an exit. It was 11:00 and I had already missed my 10:00 appointment and doubtful that I could have made it to my 12:00. I turned the car around, drug myself through the winds and rain, up five flights of stairs and peeled off my stinky, wet suit and began to re-plan my day.

First on my list was to get the to the dry cleaners. Ivan kept going over to the fart-infested suit, which was sitting in a pile on the floor and smelling it – and that was freaking me out. It’s already 12:00 and I have not done anything yet. I will begin to get some work done as soon as I get back from the cleaners. Maybe I should tip more.