Tag Archives: 350 east 52nd street

nyc from the 12th floor

out the window of my apartment, it looked like this most of the day:


it’s been snowing since early in the morning.


it is currently thundering.  thundering really loud.  and a lot.


i want my normal back.



“I have never seen snow and do not know what winter means.”
 ~ Duke Kahanamoku 



east 52nd street reality show

2 months after i moved into my first doorman building, the doormen went on strike.  along with the strike came no more ups deliveries (or any other union organization services like verizon, garbage pickup, con-edison) broken laundry machines,   foul odors from rotting garbage, rodents and many other inconvenient features i could easily have in a much lower rent, non-doorman building.    

a temporary staff of inexperienced people willing to work for minimum wages was put in place for the last 18 months.  the application process consisted of responding to an ad on craigslist and telling the owner of the staffing company what the name on the weekly paycheck should be.  it should be noted that the owner of the staffing company, modern staffing and security, has a criminal record for indecent exposure, writing worthless checks, theft of state funds, lewd & lascivious behavior as well as a long list of liens and judgments against him)  yes, he would be in charge of staffing the building with people who have complete access to our building as well as the resident’s keys.  most residents claimed their spare keys quickly and many others simply moved out.  to add levity to a disastrous situation, the east 52nd street reality show was born.  
all of the stories are true.

[Note to reader: Building Residents are referred to as Resident Cast Members or, RCM’s,  William Koeppel is the devious owner of the building and James Rexroat is the owner of Modern Staffing & Security, the company in charge of the replacement staff]

The Ultimate in a Full Service Building!

Here at East 52nd Street all of the cast & crew have been given the opportunity to pay exorbitant rents in exchange for services that truly go above and beyond other doorman buildings in midtown.   For instance, the doorman will graciously give your key to anyone, just for the asking. Where else can one get that kind of service? Only at 350!

[scene: Early on a Saturday morning,  Resident Cast Member X (RCM-X) sits with his coffee and his thoughts in the privacy of his own living room at 350 East 52nd Street. To the shock and surprise of RCM-X, the door to his apartment opens and in walks a complete stranger.  Scene begins with RCM-X flying off couch in surprise as steaming hot coffee spills onto couch, carpet and self]

RCM-X:  OMG! Jesus Christ!  Who are you??? What are you doing in my apartment?

Stranger:  I don’t know.

RCM-X:  Get the [bleep!] out of my home –


Stranger scurries back into hallway.  

After calming heart palpitations and icing burns on body, RCM-X storms down to lobby where he finds new weekend doorman who appears to be about 17 years old.   RCM-X asks the child “manning” the lobby how the [bleep!] someone had the key to RCM – X’s [bleeping] apartment and what the [bleep] was going on?  The door-child was pretty close to a complete loss for words and then offered the following explanation:  They asked me for the keys.

RCM-X:  So you just gave them my keys?

Door-Child:  Yes.

RCM-X:   What he [bleep] is wrong with you?

About this time RCM-L returns from morning walk with dog and enters lobby of 350.

RCM-X says to RCM-L,  This guy just gave my keys to a complete stranger who just walked into my apartment!  What should I do?

RCM-L:  Someone just walked in on you in your apartment?  Did you call the police?  I would call the police.

RCM-X  turns to door-child and demands he find the stranger –  ”NOW!” and stranger is summoned to lobby for questioning.  Door-child begins shaking and tells self how sorry he is. He becomes wrought with fear over the possibility of losing his job after only 3 weekends on duty. Both Resident Cast Members take a few seconds to contemplate the moment.  Suddenly, the intruding stranger emerges from elevator bank and rounds the corner into the lobby to answer to RCM-X.

RCM-X: How did you get the keys to my apartment?  Who are you?

Stranger:  I asked the doorman for them. I hope I didn’t  get him in trouble – this was a mistake.

RCM-X:  Who are you???

Stranger:  Charlene.

RCM-X:  Why did you have the keys to my apartment?  Do you live here? Do you know anyone who lives in this building? Have you ever been to this building before?  Do you know the doorman?  How did you even get in the building?

Charlene explains to the irate RCM that she did not live in the building, had never been to the building before, did not know the door-child, had come to clean an apartment on the 2nd floor and apparently there had been a mistake at the “office”, as they had instructed her to go to apartment 12-X rather than 2-X.

RCM-X  asked Charlene the name of her cleaning company to which Charlene replied,  Well it’s really just me and my husband. We advertise our cleaning services on Craigslist and someone from this building called. When my husband got the call, he must have wrote [sic] down the wrong apartment number.

RCM-X:  So you don’t know the person who called you, you have never been to 350 East 52nd Street before, you ran an ad on Craigslist and the doorman just handed you my keys?

Charlene:  Yes, I hope I didn’t get him in trouble.

Modern Staffing employees, who are only required to write their first and last name on a post it and have no proper training, do not warrant their ability to provide the tenants with a safe and secure environment, commiserate with the advertised “Luxury Living” standard. Tenants shall look solely to Modern Staffing and William Koeppel who shall remain liable for the personal safety as well as any and all incidental, consequential or special damages arising out of their failure to provide “Luxury Living” standards tenants were promised.

Note from the Sponsor: We have advised both Modern Staffing and William Koeppell on several occasions of the vast array of problems (see past episodes-especially ARREST) and they have steadfastly refused to conduct basic background checks, train the new staff, or responds to any of our complaints.

more of my favorite episodes can be found here, here, here & here.

obstacles and all,  i remain eternally committed to being zen in the city. 

“Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.”
 ~ Buddha 


be sure to check our show!


poor chunk!

i was going to put this in the “only in new york” section of this site, but the more i thought about it, i realized it’s something that is probably specific to 350 east 52nd street.   (for complete insane history on this residence,  see this site.)

of the many bizarre incidents here this week, i found the most humor in the story of chunk.  chunk is an 11 month old bulldog puppy who lives on the 4th floor with his exceptionally sweet & adorable owner, tom.

i’ll start from the beginning which i will make up because i wasn’t there.  chunk is comfortably sleeping in his over stuffed luxury chaise, dreaming of the moment tom will arrive home with some bacon.  the rest of the story actually happened.

when tom arrived home he was surprised that chunk wasn’t there to greet him at the door.  he was even more surprised to see his coffee pot sparkling clean & glistening on his kitchen counter.   he looked over at chunk’s empty bed and began to panic.

tom spotted chunk under the desk in the corner of the room – shaking!  tom quickly picked chunk up, held him tight &  let him know everything was going to be ok.   but it wasn’t ok – because chunk stunk of cheap perfume!

tom immediately grabbed his baseball bat and opened every closet – nothing.   he got down on the floor and crawled towards the bed, baseball bat in hand, checked under the bed – nothing.  he must be hiding in the bathroom, tom thought, and very slowly and as lightly as possible, started towards the bathroom door. on the floor tom saw his own cleaning supplies; windex, scrubbing bubbles . . . what the hell is going on here?  he got into position, holding the bat tight in his right hand.  with his left, tom tore open the shower curtain only to discover  the sponge from his kitchen in the tub!  it was apparently used to clean his bathroom.   😦

there was only one place the intruder could still be hiding.  tom tip toed into the kitchen with his bat and swung open the refrigerator door expecting to be ambushed by the crook but what he saw shocked him even more.  the inside of tom’s refrigerator was sparkling clean!

tom’s parents live in another apartment in our building and as strange as he recognized the thought to be, he thought that maybe his mother had come over and cleaned his apartment during the day.  tom called his mother.  understandably, she thought he had lost his mind.  he then called his sister who lives nearby and asked her.  also guessing her brother had gone insane, she assured tom that she had not gone over to his place in the middle of the day to clean.

(i have amused myself all day by picturing each of my friends getting a phone call from their brother asking if they had snuck into his apartment to clean it.)

tom called downstairs to the lobby & told them there was a break in.  the doorman informed tom about “the mistake”.

earlier in the day while chunk was dreaming of bacon, down in the lobby two cleaning ladies arrived at 350 to clean an apartment on the 14th Floor.   they were given the keys to chunk’s apartment on the 4th floor instead. Mysteriously, after asking for keys to the 14th floor apt., the 2 women went to the 4th floor, entered chunks apartment and began cleaning.  since they had been to, & actually cleaned the 14th floor apartment in the past, i can’t help but to wonder how they didn’t pick up on these clues:

  • the decor was completely different
  • the apartment was 10 floors beneath the 14th floor
  • there was a dog that hadn’t been there last time

hmmmm . . . .

the  women went about their business – dusting, moving things &  scrubbing away – until they got 1/2 way finished.   they suddenly had an epiphany – ‘good lord, we’re in the wrong place!’   the two women left the kitchen sponge they had been using to clean the bathroom on the side of the tub next to tom’s clorox cleaner, went down to the lobby and exchanged tom’s keys for keys to the apartment on the 14th floor.

tom then checked his apartment & didn’t think anything was taken but it’s entirely possible that poor chunk had been attacked in his own home by a cleaning woman with a fear of dogs and a bottle of  jontue.   poor chunk!


“This is the true nature of home — it is the place of Peace; the shelter, not only from injury, but from all terror, doubt and division.”
 John Ruskin