Tag Archives: midtown manhattan

unofficial rules of holiday shopping in the city


it’s tourist season and midtown is over flowing with shoppers, sight-seers, celebrity seekers and tree gazers!

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it’s a good thing for the city – not so much for the residents.  from december through january things become all discombobulated for the locals because tourists disrupt the flow.  it’s nothing that can’t be fixed and it’s not even their fault. they are simply unaware of a few simple things. when travelling into the city, i’ve noticed that at the bridge & tunnel tolls, it’s always the cars with out of state plates in the ‘cash only’ lanes – the regulars have ez-pass.  i’m thinking that a small list of “instructions” printed on the back of the bridge & tunnel receipts would be a great invention because it could list the rules and then they would know.   since that’s not the case, i will post them here.

rule #1
don’t think – just cross the street.

crossing the street in midtown is similar to participating in a game of football. there are two sides, face to face, waiting for the ‘go ahead.’ the difference is that in midtown, each team has anywhere from 25 – 50 people on each side where in football, there are only 11 on each side.  during the months of february through november, when the light says walk, the ‘teams’ advance towards each other and effortlessly manage to get to the other side of the street without knocking into anyone. they’re used to it; they don’t get nervous and foot traffic just flows. on the other hand, in december and january,  i believe that during the 2-3 minute wait between light changes, tourists get super focused on the opposing team which makes them nervous.  their brain begins to wonder how they will manage to cross the street through all those people about to charge towards them, and they begin to map out a strategy.  as soon as the light changes, they follow their mind map.  because they could never predict the mind maps of the opposing team, it turns into a giant cluster of frustrated people bumping into each other, scared they will never reach the other side safely. weird but true.

rule# 2

when you see a pretty store window, something shiny that catches your eye or a homeless person, do not just stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  this causes mid-sidewalk collisions and then you leave the city thinking ny’ers are rude.

rule #3

wear your comfy flat walking shoes or you will regret it.  and know that the people in the flat comfy walking shoes are the ones who must walk on the grates. women in heels have the right of way on the sidewalk whenever a grate presents itself.  there is no need to worry about falling through the grates and landing in the pathway of an oncoming subway, seriously.

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It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.
 ~ Buddha

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lock the front door


post

The White House’s new security plan: Lock the front door

every time i see a headline like this i wish i worked at the new york post.  it has to be fun . . . .   seriously though, if the peeps in dc need some high level security tips, i suggest they just spend the week in nyc during the general assembly – which happens to be this week.

i’ve been out sniper seeking with my zoom lens since saturday and haven’t seen 1 sniper.  these guys are good.

i’m not sure what the mission of these people is, but they are scattered about the sidewalks near the united nations building.  they look like they have bombs strapped all over themselves and i have to believe this would  effectively keep people from trying to break in to the white house.

general assembly soldier 1

they do not like having their pictures taken either.

another effective tactic used by the diplomats to keep people away, is extreme noise.  i’m sure they do it on purpose so it must have something to do with their country’s security operations.  wherever a foreign diplomat decides to go, he is preceded by and followed by, an entourage of black suburbans with lights flashing and very loud sirens.  this goes on all day long.  entourages en route to the u.n. for morning meetings, entourages at lunchtime, entourages escorting their diplomat back to the hotel after daily sessions, and entourages chauffeuring diplomats all around town for dinner and nightly entertainment – all with excruciatingly loud sirens.  i believe the strategy here is simple sleep deprivation.  i know because i live just 3 blocks up first avenue from the united nations and i am just too tired to consider jumping the fence and breaking in the front door.

during the week of the general assembly there is no parking either.  every street in the neighborhood is lined with signs like this:

general assembly sign

if you live between 40th and 55th streets from the east river over to third avenue, you may not be able to go home if there happens to be a diplomat having a meeting, a meal or a cocktail on your street.  on each corner are stationed between 6 – 12 very young rookie cops, whose mission it is to question people to death and check i.d.’s before letting them step foot onto their own block to go home after a long day at work.  i’ve noticed that if you are 20 something, female and beautiful, the young rookie cops will hold you up for twice the amount of time than they detain others.  just an observation that probably has nothing to do with security.

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 I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’
 ~ Elayne Boosler

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bye bye


from the times square newsletter:

Destroy your worries and bad memories of 2013 and start fresh in 2014!

Submit your bad memories, crazy ex-bosses, loathed music, over-exposed celebrities, corrupt politicians, fashion disasters and ill-fated romances – anything from 2013 to which you’d like to say “Good Riddance!”

At the event Cintas awarded an iPad and tickets to the Broadway show Mamma Mia! for the Most Creative entry.

Pearl Chan won for saying Good Riddance to 2012 – the worst year of her life. Chan took care of her chronically ill boyfriend for 2 years only to be dumped and cheated on after he recovered.

i’m entering the contest. . . .  just giving you a heads up so you don’t waste any of your own time as i’m pretty sure i am going to win this one.

Robot Santa

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“A belief is not true because it is useful.”
 ~ Henri Frederic Amiel

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53rd & lex bldg (2) 57th & Lex (7) 59th st bridge (2) Barber e 52nd st (2)

“I remember walking across Sixty-second Street one twilight that first spring, or the second spring, they were all alike for a while. I was late to meet someone but I stopped at Lexington Avenue and bought a peach and stood on the corner eating it and knew that I had come out out of the West and reached the mirage. I could taste the peach and feel the soft air blowing from a subway grating on my legs and I could smell lilac and garbage and expensive perfume and I knew that it would cost something sooner or later — because I did not belong there, did not come from there — but when you are twenty-two or twenty-three, you figure that later you will have a high emotional balance, and be able to pay whatever it costs. I still believed in possibilities then, still had the sense, so peculiar to New York, that something extraordinary would happen any minute, any day, any month.”
 ~ Joan Didion