a day, a week, a month ~ it can seem like forever ~ almost never ending, and it can seem like just yesterday ~ both perceptions happening simultaneously.
how does that work?
“Time moves in one direction, memory in another.”
~ William Gibson
i have some kind of strange electronic disorder. you can read a little bit about it in a recent post i wrote here. it has not subsided even a little.
recently i gave a talk at won temple which was video taped for the website. 2 days later the temple monk e-mailed to inform me that she had no idea what could have happened, but the video camera broke and my talk was not recorded. she asked if i would be willing to come back and do it over in front of the camera? how do you explain to a monk that it has nothing to do with the camera. i don’t know if boilers count as electronic devices, but right around this time my boiler broke too.
for the 3rd time since november, my itunes crashed completely.
on saturday i had a podcast interview scheduled. when the interviewer called to begin the interview she was surprised to find that her recording equipment was not working. she called me back 3 times to start over and each time the equipment failed. since i don’t know her that well i kept quiet and resisted the urge to tell her she should simply pick another person to interview and her problems would be solved. we rescheduled for sunday.
as i left to drive into the city for temple i noticed the time on the clock in my car read 52. the time remained 52 all the way into the city but fixed itself before my drive home in the afternoon.
this morning when i woke i turned on the lights over the vanity on my way into the bathroom. with a very loud crackling noise, they all blew out. since i changed all 4 light bulbs less than 3 weeks ago, it must have been a blown fuse. i probably shouldn’t attempt to deal with the fuse box – at least until after i meditate.
the cable box clock in the living room which read 1000 again yesterday displays no time at all. today it says “hold” – a clear sign that i made the right choice about meditating first. (note: the living room & bathroom lights are on 2 completely different fuses)
after meditating, i walked ivan. we arrived home to find all 4 light bulbs on in the bathroom. on my way out of the bedroom i noticed my alarm clock which was working just fine when i woke an hour earlier, now reads 100. not 1:00, – 100. i don’t attempt to reset it because i think i will just wait & see what it may do on it’s own. i will check my e-mail instead. once online, i see a giant banner across the top of the screen of my laptop informing me that my “shockwave plug-in has crashed”.
i should make every attempt today to avoid people who may have a pacemaker.
“One great question underlies our experience, whether we think about it or not: what is the purpose of life? From the moment of birth every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering.
– Dalai Lama
the universe is speaking to me in a code i cannot decipher. i know it is.
i was asked to give the talk at dharma service tomorrow. for the last several days i’ve been rolling ideas around in my head on what i will speak about. nothing is real, everything is an illusion, time is an illusion – all been said before – over & over. but really, when you think about it , what has the buddha said lately? there’s not too much news as far as i can tell. i even checked the dalai lama’s facebook page for ideas but he’e pretty well claimed the market of talks on compassion. i wonder if he really posts all those things on facebook himself, or if that task is delegated to some junior monk in training.
anyway, ‘ time’ . . . time keeps coming up for me. and i keep feeling like i am running out of time to write this talk – which is freaking me out a little bit and instead of just writing it, i keep picturing myself nervously standing up at the podium, sweating profusely in front of the entire sangha with absolutely nothing to say. there is no such thing as time? buddhists believe that time is an illusion. if that’s true, then how come i’m not living back in the city? i thought it was taking time to save funds for the move. so if there is no such thing as time, where is the money and the apartment – – and the husband for that matter. i was sure it was all a matter of time. i guess all of this could translate into a talk on patience but as sure as i know anything, i know i am not qualified to give a talk on patience.
apparently i live in a world of illusion and the universe is trying to tell me so. yesterday when i woke up i went to the living room to practice my morning meditation as usual. the clock on my cable box said 186. at this moment, the clock on my cable box says it’s 1000. (no joke).
maybe time really is an illusion.
“She had a big coat with pockets she filled with crackers & cheese & little wrapped chocolates in case (she said) she ever got trapped too far from a convenience store. I don’t take civilization for granted, she said.